I Fight 3 Thai Guys and Runs Away Like a Little Girl
This is a true story about a fight that I had in Thailand about 2 years ago. I never posted this to our website because frankly, I was kind of ashamed of what I did.
But looking back at it a little older and wiser, I think it’s possible I made the right decision…explained at the end.
I thought long and hard about posting this story. I feared that by reading it some may view Thailand in a very bad light. However, this is a risk I have decided to take. Thailand is a wonderful and safe place whether you vacation or live here. In fact, I feel safer walking alone late at night in Bangkok than I have ever felt in any big American city.
However, there are clear dangers involved with any city in the world. And the cities of Thailand are no different. If you follow the two unbreakable rules of Thailand, you will have a pleasant and safe time. But if you break one of these rules, the consequences may be more than you can accept.
This is a story of where I broke one of 2 Unbreakable Rules of Thailand. This is a story of pain, blood, and regret. This is a story that helped teach me a valuable lesson…
It was due to happen at some point in time. I should have expected it, hell my friends sure did. They kept telling me, “You can’t get away with all the shit you’ve pulled without some sort of consequences!”
My day of reckoning has arrived. I broke one of the two rules of Thailand…
I Fought The Thais. And I Paid For It….
I can barely stand but somehow I manage to open the door of my apartment. My head is pounding. My mouth is bleedings and I can’t keep the world from spinning.
I stumble over to the bathroom and gaze at my reflection. I stood frozen at the reflection starring back at me. My shirt is covered in blood, my mouth is swollen, and the bottom half of my two front teeth are missing…
I change my shirt, put on a hat, and I leave my apartment looking for the three Thai men who ruined my perfect smile…
One Hour Earlier…
“I fucking love it here. How could you not? You can sleep with nearly any beautiful woman you want, get stupidly drunk, and do whatever the fuck you want!”
I take another two shots of Tequila. I wonder how many that makes….ahh it doesn’t matter. It will just go on my tab and I’ll worry about it tomorrow.
“Let’s go dance and find some women.”
My friends and I leave the bar and walk to the dance club Green Mango. “No outside drinks are allowed,” so I slam the rest of my beer.
My friends walk ahead of me as I stop at the bar to buy another beer.
They are going to the second dance floor near the back of the club. As I’m walking through the first dance floor I receive a text from one of my lovely “good girls”, Lila:
I miss you…you want me tonight
I smile and think to myself, “Life is good.”
I set down my beer at the nearest table and reply:
Sorry, can not
What can I say, I’ve already had her many times before. She was good in bed, but not the best. It’s Friday night and I want something new.
I go to pick up my beer which is on a table where three long haired Thai men are sitting around. One smiles to me and purposely tips over my beer where it shatters on the ground.
He smiles. I smile back.
I see an empty Chang beer bottle on their table and playfully knock it over to its side.
The smiles disappear.
His friend comes out of nowhere and pushes me, telling me how he hates tourists who think they own the country.
I think to myself, “Wow, this isn’t going well.” The third friend stands up and the three Thai men surround me.
I know the rules of Thailand, in fact I helped define them:
Rule Number 1: Never fight the Thais…even if they are being dicks
Rule Number 2: Never get caught buying / selling drugs
I put up my hands in a non aggressive manner, “I want no trouble. I’m leaving.”
I leave the club and try to go back to the previous bar for a drink. I dismiss the encounter and start humming to myself as a beautiful woman walks by.
(You can’t party as much as I have without having to deal with a few drunken idiots. All you can do is ignore it and move on. If they are tourists, you can escalate it to a fight, that’s up to you. But with Thais it’s best to forget about it and move on. Even if you win the fight, they will get their brothers, cousins, and friends to come and find you. And when they do find you, there will be nothing to hold them back. This and moped accidents are the leading causes of major injuries and/or deaths in Thailand.)
“Fuck! The bar is closed. Is it really past 3am already?”
I hear yelling behind me. I see the guy who pushed me is walking towards me followed by the two friends.
I walk the other direction and take a look back. They are closing the distance on me.
I stop and turn around.
Thai Man: “Fucking farang tourist, who the fuck do you think you are?”
Me: “Tourist? I live here. What the fuck is the problem?”
The three guys are standing in front of me.
Out of no where the guy on my left throws a hook punch.
(I’m going to digress here for a moment. Even though I’m kind of out of practice, I’ve had a fair amount of martial arts experience in the past. One thing that I learned is if a round attack is coming at you, you can jam it by attacking straight forward, or get out of the way.)
I jammed that attack my pushing him at his throat with my left had. He’s off balanced and flies backwards.
The Second Guy Throws a Punch That Hits Me On My Right Temple…
Fists are flying everywhere. The third Thai guy comes in with a beer bottle and hits me against my face with it.
After an unknown amount of time, the fight stops as each side regroups. The Thai guy with the bottle breaks it on the ground and starts moving towards me…
The second Thai guy takes a knife from his pocket…
The third guy is rising from the ground, holding his head and is moving forward…
I’m stupidly drunk and the world is spinning, but I still manage to have one clear thought:
What the fuck am I doing? I’m breaking rule number 1. Even if I win this fight, they will come and kill me! It’s easy for Thais to find foreigners on Samui!
I’m not proud of what I did next. In fact, this one action has kept me awake more nights than anything else I’ve done in the last couple of years:
I Turn Around And Run Away From The Fight Like a Little Bitch!
They try to follow, but can’t catch up. I try to get to my motorbike, but they are still in sight. There is no way I can get on the bike and drive away without them catching me.
So I pull a Forrest Gump. I just start running and running. Next thing I know I’m on the main street. I see a taxi truck, jump in, and get dropped off near my apartment.
Then I walk to my bathroom mirror…
Green Mango is closed. There are no long haired Thai guys around, just a bunch of Thai workers cleaning up the club and the standard group of Ladyboys hanging around in the shadows.
The girl who sent the text message earlier that night sees me and tries to talk with me. I don’t notice her and walk past her. (This is probably the only time in my life where I ignore a beautiful woman in hopes of finding Thai guys.)
I storm into the late nightclub (Sound), the only club opened after 4am. I make eye contact with the security guards as I enter. Even though I look like hell, they don’t stop me.
The club is packed.
“Where The Fuck Are They? They Have To Be Here!”
I go to the second story where I can overlook the entire club.
I fall down as I walk up the stairs. I’m drunk with rage, alcohol, and I am literally drinking the blood that is pouring in my mouth.
I look down upon the first floor of the club but can’t make out any of the faces. I think to myself, “Maybe Asians do all look the same…”
Truth be told, I can’t remember what the guys looked like. All I remember is there were three of them and they all had long hair.
My only hope was for them to recognize me. I had to go where I could be seen.
I walked through the dance floor in a zigzag pattern making eye contact with every Thai guy desperately hoping for some sort of recognition on their faces.
An hour passes with me combing every inch of the club. There are less and less people around.
Another hour goes by. There are only a handful of people in the club.
Eventually I come to the conclusion they are not here. The rage that took over my mind and body disappears in an instant. I take a seat. I’m dead tired and can barely stand.
Later I get on my moped and drive home. During the drive clarity breaks through and I knew that no matter the outcome, it would have been terrible if I found those guys.
Strangely after that, the only thought going through my mind is:
I Wonder How Much It Will Cost To Fix My Teeth…
This is a true story about me on Koh Samui. I am not proud of it, nor am I particularly ashamed about it anymore.
Recently, there is a small minority of people on Samui that is causing more and more crimes on the island. These people are uneducated Thai boys between the ages of 14 – 18.
In late August of 2014, a group of Thai guys where drinking and sitting on a foreigners motorbike. The foreigner asked them to move, got angry, and all the Thai guys started to beat him and eventually slashed the foreigner’s throat. The 46 year old German man who owned an established bar on Koh Samui died minutes later.
So in light of this and looking back, I probably did the right thing. Sober, I’d have very little concerned if one Thai guy attacked me with a knife. But when I was that drunk, and facing three Thai guys with two of them armed – I probably did the right thing…
What do you think? Did I bitch out? Or did I do the right thing? Leave your comments below!
Posted on Gods of Thailand September 1, 2014 in Stories from Gods of Thailand