I Take a Champagne Shower and Meet the One Who Got Away

Believe it or not, there was a time when yours truly, me, didn’t know of the diamonds held within Bangkok.

There was a time when I made all the mistakes most new comers to Bangkok make. I stayed near Khao San Road in some shitty hotel. I went to the crappy clubs in the area which was full of whores and lady boys. And then I vowed to never stay another night in Bangkok.

Fortunately, it’s good to break a vow or two. Because of this, those days of ignorance have come to an end.

Let me set the stage for you. I’m staying for a month in a penthouse suite on the top floor on one of Bangkok’s finest hotels.

My roommates are Swedish poker players. The type of guys in their 20’s who have an unlimited source of income. They have no desire to keep their money in a bank, they prefer to party like it is 1999.

Fortunately for me, I prefer to think every night is 1999.

Which brings me to our next story:

I party with Swedish poker players and some of the most beautiful women in the world.

Me: “What’s the plan tonight?”
Big Money: “Have you ever been to Narz?”
Me: “No, what’s that?”
Big Money: “Probably one of the coolest clubs in Bangkok. And if you go on the right night, then it will be full of Thai and South American models.”
Me: “It’s Friday night. If there’s going to be a good night to go, tonight would be it.”

(We always pre-party at a different club or bar before arriving to our main destination. Sometimes it will be a roof top bar overlooking the city, and other times it’s just a random hot spot in the city.)

This night we started at Q Bar with a bottle of Grey Goose Vodka. If you’ve never been there, it’s a great place to order a bottle and relax among friends early in the evening.

(Around 1am Q Bar will fill up with Thai freelancers and older white men. Since that’s not really my scene, this is usually when we make our exit. If you are an older white man who likes beautiful freelancers, this is a good place for you.)

So for an hour or two we chat, B.S., and just enjoy each others company. It is only 11pm and far too early to even think about girls.

(If you’ve spent as much time in Thailand as we have, you know that beautiful women are an easy luxury to come by. What’s important, is having a good time with friends.)

Our bottle of Vodka is running dreadfully low. We’re feeling good and decide it is time for our featured destination, Narz.

Fifteen minutes later I step out of the taxi and look around. The parking lot is full. There is a line at the door, and more than half the people in the line are attractive women.

A Good Start…

We walk straight to the front of the line. The bouncer stops talking to the group of Thais and looks at us.

I smile and relay to him that we have no desire to stand in this dreadful line. He tells us that the only way to skip the line is to buy a bottle.

We instantly agree.

One of the employees, Ty, leads us to the table that comes with a bottle. We make some small talk as he leads us inside the hip hop part of the club.

He opens the door, Hold’em enters first. I am second, Big Money and his friend follows.

As I walk in, I stop dead in my tracks.

The sight before me takes my breath away…the place is packed…and not packed like places in America which is always a sausage feast…the place is packed with beautiful women.

I look to my left, I see beautiful white women. I look beyond them, straight ahead, and to my right….there are some of the most beautiful Asian women I have ever seen in my life…

Ty informs us that it’s model night and then leads us to one of the only open tables in the club.

I’m disgusted. I look at Big Money and Hold’em, they obviously share my feelings about the location of the table. They whisper into Ty’s ear, some money passes between them, and we are led to the best table in the club.

The table is surrounded by executive leather sofas. It’s overlooking the dance floor full of stunning women.

I wish I could say I pinched myself to check to see if this was a dream, but if it was a dream, I had no desire to wake.

I hear this is the owner’s private table. But since he won’t be coming in tonight, we could “rent” it for the night.

Hold’em orders a bottle of Vodka with mixers. I take a seat on the sofa with a smile taking a moment to enjoy this paradise.

I wish I brought a camera because there is no way words could describe the sight before me.

I felt like I was in Los Angeles again in the middle of a fashion show…the women were drop dead gorgeous. Eights, nines, and tens were all around.

And better yet, they were eyeing us. We were sitting at a table that was closed off to the public; a table which is only available for the elite…and everyone knew it.

At this point I was getting a bit caught up in the moment and almost forgot our little arrangement which was made in the taxi a few minutes earlier:

“You guys take care of the drinks, I’ll take care of the women.”

I mix myself a drink and stroll through the club checking out the options.

I come back a few minutes later and take a seat next to Hold’em. I ask him if he sees anything that catches his eye.

Hold’em points straight ahead to a Russian nine who was sitting at another VIP table which was not quite as good as ours, but respectable.

Tits are perfect, ass is even better, and her face is only what dreams can conjure.

“I’ll take her.”

I look at her. She is stunning. I don’t yet have an approach planned for one as good looking as her.

Although it’s common courtesy to warm up with a 7 or 8 before you go directly to the 9’s and 10’s, Hold’em has never been like that. He will take the best and only the best

I look at Hold’em and he looks back at me expectantly.

A Deal is a Deal…

As I’m walking up to her, I laugh. I don’t have anything prepared that could possibly pull a 9…

I approach in a “U” pattern so I make eye contact first and walk straight up to her in confident manner.

We lock eyes and I go straight in. Not knowing where the words came from, I apparently loosely mimic one of my favorite television shows, Entourage:

Me: “My name is Lloyd and my boss would like to talk with you.”
Model: “Who is your boss?”
Me: “Ari Gold, he is right over there.”

I point at Hold’em who is sitting at our VIP table available. She nods, I take her hand and lead her to Hold’em.

I’m shocked. That almost worked too well. I wonder to myself, “Is picking up models really that easy? All you need is a VIP table and an assistant?”

I keep the information in the back of my mind for future use.

She sits by Hold’em and they talk. It appears things are going well. I look at Big Money, he pours me a drink.

Shots of B-52s Appear on Our Table. The Real Drinking Begins…

My time of pretending to be an assistant is at an end. We drink. We do the rounds. We enjoy the company of the most beautiful women in the world.

An hour later I walk back to our table and take a seat. I look around and everyone is gone. No Swedish guys or female models around. They must be dancing…

I mix another Vodka Redbull.

I sip my drink and take pleasure in the sight before me. I just came from a table with three Thai girls. They were definitely cute enough, but their English wasn’t as good as I prefer. They will be a good back up for later on.

Although Hold’em and Big Money are no where to be found, there is more than enough around to keep my attention.

I take another sip….

Hold’em and Big Money appear out of thin air each holding a bottle champagne…

Before I know what is happening, two bottles of champagne are being sprayed all over me as if I just won the fucking Super Bowl!

I’m soaking wet from champagne. I look at my clothes and they’re dripping wet…

I’m still not entirely sure of the thoughts going through my mind. It must have been a combination of surprise, shock, and a general “What the Fuck?”

I Hear the Guys Say That it Was $500 Well Spent…

Then a chain reaction happens that none of us could predict.

You know when one action creates an entire chain of unexpected reactions? That is exactly what happened here.

12 Very Unexpected Results of a Champagne Shower:

1- Our entire table full of bottles of alcohol, glasses, shots, and mixers is entirely cleared off.

(We can only assume either I kicked the table during the champagne shower, or one of the guys tripped and knocked the table over.)

There is broken glass everywhere…

I look up at the guys from the sofa in a pool of champagne, I try to act serious but the smile could not keep itself from my face:

“What the fuck…”

I laugh and take one of the champagne bottles and start drinking directly from the bottle. Luckily, there was still a little bit left.

2- During my champagne shower, a couple drops splashed on a Russian guy located at the next table over.

3- I hear some commotion to my left and look to see a Russian yelling. He flips out and throws his glass across the club….the glass shatters against the wall.

4- One of the pieces of glass hits a Thai model. She is bleeding and needs to clean up in the restroom.

5- The Russian is pissed. He looks at me like he’s ready to kill me. I’m soaking wet, I have a bottle of champagne in my hand, I’m smiling, and I then say:

“What the fuck! You’re pissed at me? Look at me, it’s like I fucking jumped into a swimming pool!”

The face of the Russian who looks like he’s been on steroids his whole life gets bright red. I know this isn’t going to end well…

6- I look around to see if there is any Thai security around. There are none.

7- I look over at Hold’em and say, “Well this is fucked, looks like there’s going to be a fight with this steroid fuck.”

“Don’t worry about it, I’ve got it covered.” I look at Hold’em unsure of what’s coming. He’s a skinny poker player, not a fighter.

Hold’em grabs the champagne bottle from my hand, takes the last sip, and goes to the bar.

He buys a $150 bottle of Vodka and walks up to the angry Russian. They talk for a minute, the Russian takes the Vodka from Hold’em, and everything is all smiles.

8- The Russian is now happy. I think to myself, “Apparently money can buy happiness…”

9- During this time, more models take notice of our group. From this point on, we’re surrounded by women.

10- Hold’em and Big Money go home with two smoking hot models.

11- I somehow clean myself up and the real fun starts…

12- I take home Nok, the “cutest” girl I have ever seen. She is not sexy, she is not beautiful, but she is cute and adorable to an unbearable level. She is 21 years old and stands just over five feet tall with a near perfect body. Her smile is perfection and her large eyes are a thing of legend.

If you can make her smile for just a moment and have those big innocent eyes look up at you, your life feels like it’s almost complete.

She makes you smile, she makes you laugh, and if you spend more than 5 minutes with her, you’ll want to hold her tight and protect her from the big bad world.

She is a Shining Example of Innocence…

I’ve been with some very beautiful women, but the thoughts of Nok still haunt me on those lonely nights. What I wouldn’t give for one more night with her. What I wouldn’t give to just look upon her sleeping nude body in my bed just one more time…

But we all have our weaknesses, mine is that I tend to get bored very easily. She may have been good, she may have been one of the best, but all good things must come to an end.

In Thailand There is Always Something Better Waiting Around the Corner…

Posted on Gods of Thailand June 21, 2011 in Stories from Gods of Thailand

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