2 Unbreakable Laws in Thailand – Follow Them At All Cost

2 Unbreakable Laws in Thailand

Thailand is a paradise which has something for everyone.  If you like stunning beaches, head to the islands.  If you like the jungle and outdoors, head up north.  And if you like beautiful women, just look around anywhere you go.

In this country you can do whatever the hell you want.  You can get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of your actions and sleep with more women than is safe or even reasonable.

It truly is a country of wonders.

Beware though, there are two rules of Thailand that should be followed at all cost….no matter what.


Rule 1- Never Get Caught Buying / Transporting Drugs

Example 1: After being in Thailand for some time, you will have heard or even experienced the horror of breaking this rule.  You are sitting on the beach, a friendly Thai man comes up to you and asks if you want to buy a bag of Marijuana for 500 baht.  You figured its vacation, so why not.  You pay the Thai man, get your stuff, and get up to go.

Only to be surrounded by a couple of police officers and escorted to jail.  You are told you have two options: pay 100,000 baht or go to jail.

Thai jail is not worth it, so you pay over 3,000usd to buy yourself out of jail.

You kick yourself for being so foolish.  That 500 baht bag of Marijuana cost you 100,500 baht.

What you didn’t know is that it was all a set up.  The Thai man on the beach is friends with the police officers.  He gets the money for the bag of Marijuana and a cut of the bail money you just paid.

Example 2: After living in paradise for so long, many tourists don’t want to go back.  They fall in love with the freedom, the beauty, and the women of Thailand.  They have spent all their money, maxed out their credit cards, and can not get their friends to loan them any more money.

The thoughts of returning to the real life, getting a job, and living the 9 – 5 life is too much for them to handle.  So they try to figure out how to make money while living in Thailand.  They can’t get a job here, no work visa.  They can’t invest in anything, because they’ve got no money.

So they decide to start selling drugs to their friends.  They make some money, spend it, and then need to make more.

Instead of selling small amounts, they try to make a larger payday and broker a bigger deal.  The deal goes down well, and then he is surrounded by police officers and thrown in jail.  He is facing 10 years in jail now.

The above is a true story of a tourist that just didn’t want to go home.  I met him for the first time in Phi Phi and had a beer with him.  I came back 6 months later to hear this story.

Lesson learned, do not get caught buying or transporting drugs of any kind in Thailand.

Rule 2- Do NOT Fuck With The Thais

In this country you can get away with just about anything and face little to no consequences for your actions.  The people of Thailand are some of the nicest people in the world, however they do have their limits.  One thing you should NEVER do is mess with the Thais.

Do not try to take their girlfriends from them.  Do not get in a fight with a Thai man.  And do not get involved with a Thai dispute.

If you do any of these things, the outcome will not be a pleasant one.

Example 1: You see a dispute between a Thai man and his girlfriend.  They are yelling outside the club.  The girl is in tears and lashes out at her Thai boyfriend.  He pushes her off of him, yells at her, and pulls her to the side of the bar.

She is stunningly beautiful but taken, so you have a couple more drinks and play a few more games of pool.

An hour or two passes and you move to the club next door.  You see the same girl sitting at a table by herself.  You look for any signs of her boyfriend and don’t see any.

You get a beer, and figure what the hell, might as well say hi.  You go over and talk with her.  She is even more beautiful closer up, but her English is not that great.

You take a seat and try to talk with her.

The boyfriend comes up from behind and pushes you out of your seat.  You fall to the ground, get up and push back.  Next thing you know, punches are being thrown.  Since you are quite a bit larger, you win the fight.  Everything is going crazy around you, so you decided to get the hell out of there and go home.

You are on a moped taxi and the next thing you know, there are 6 mopeds behind you full of Thai men.  They yell at the taxi driver in Thai, the taxi driver stops and tells you to get off.  You have no choice.  You are now surrounded by a group of Thai men.  Knives are pulled out.  You look behind you to see the guy you laid out at the club, the boyfriend.

A beer bottle is broken over your head.  You fall to the ground, they kick you till you can not move any longer.  You wake up in the hospital 2 days later with bones broken and a huge medical bill.

Little do you know, you are lucky to have woken up at all…

Above is a true story of someone I knew last year.  Never try to take a Thai man’s girlfriend from him.  The Thais are wonderful people but they do have a major weakness, once they lose face, they go crazy.

Example 2: Last week was a friend’s birthday.  We met up at his bar, had a few drinks, and then I went to the club next door with a few friends.

I get a call the next morning, “Did you hear what happened last night at the bar?”

I responded no, and learned rule number 2 was broken by the bartender who has been living in Thailand for over a year….

This bar is run by a Thai and English staff.  There are two main bartenders, one Thai and one from England.

When people work closely together, there will always be tension, and this was one of those nights.  Everyone was busy serving the customers and these two kept on getting in each others way behind the small bar counter.

Towards the end of the night their frustration hit a climax.  They ran into each other without looking, and the English man lashed out and pushed the Thai guy.  One thing led to another and a full fledge fight broke out.

Blows are exchanged with each person landing a punch or two.  Just as the English man is about to throw another punch, the Thai guys friend who was sitting at the bar, picks up a chair and breaks it over the English mans head.

These chairs are not light, and the English man drops to the ground instantly.  They proceed to kick him till he is unconscious.

His body and face is in ruins.  He is fired from his job for his own safety.  He will be leaving Thailand very soon….

The above story is true.  Luckily, I missed the whole exchange by an hour.

I have often said, even if I was punched by a Thai man, I would never punch back.  Even if you win the fight, you don’t really win.  The Thai guy will have lost face and will strike back hard.  He will call his friends, his cousins, and his brothers.  They will find where you live and take their revenge…

Some brutal and true stories, but don’t let these examples shape how you view Thailand.  That is like watching a news station back home and hearing of a murder, then believing it is too dangerous to go outside of your house.

Thailand is one of the safest countries I’ve ever visited.  I’ve walked down the streets of Bangkok pissed drunk at 4am never to be hassled.  I have passed out drunk a few times on the side of the streets never to have been robbed or even disturbed.

Never have I felt threatened in Thailand.  However, I have never broken the above two rules.  The only physical encounters I have ever been involved in while living in Thailand were due to crazy ex-girlfriends, but that’s another story for another time….

Posted on Gods of Thailand February 15, 2011 in


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  • Mark Mazurov says:

    How can one call himself a god (even in a joking manner), if he can’t defend himself against assault? Gods have powers, something foreigners in Thailand seems to be completely devoid of.
    I had spent quite a bit of time in a kingdom and never had a fight with anyone, because I kept a low profile, very ungodly of me.
    Selling drugs is fine as long as one has a protection from police, high-ranking officials preferred for large scale deals. These Thais are rare and expensive, like tall, light-skinned, big-breasted go-go girls. Westerners rarely find access to them.

  • Pat says:

    Is it hard for a tourist to get Viagra or kamagra in koh samui ,phuket, or pattaya?Can I bring it with me without a prescription without problems or should I just buy it from a pharmacy over there? How much should I expect to pay?

    • Easy in Phuket and Pattaya, you can get it at all the major tourist areas from one of the many stalls on the sidewalk.

      In Samui, it’s a little more difficult. You’ll probably need to go into a Pharmacy and ask. My advice is to stock up in Bangkok before you go to Samui.


  • jerry says:

    One difference in hanging out in bars in the US – Guys will F with you for the sake of F’ing with you. It’s happened too many times for me to count (one reason I stopped going out to bars, especially as I got older). In Thailand that really doesn’t happen with the locals, you have to do something to offend, if you’re aware of things nothing is going to happen. A couple times I’ve spoken to a girl who had a boyfriend already, the guys didn’t hit me or anything but when I sensed the agitation I simply bowed my head a little and walked away. No problem. In the US it’s more likely to have a guy following you outside to beat you up regardless if you walk away or not. IMHO it’s easier to defuse in Thailand, just check you’re male macho ego at the door.
    In fact, the only time I’ve ever felt that attitude is from some other drunken Western foreigner bringing that BS overseas. Only happened a couple of times though and I still feel vastly safer in the Thai bar scene.

  • what is the aids and herpes rate? curious

  • how old does a thai boy have to be before he can date in thailand or is it not a big deal? email me [email protected]

    • I guess this depends on what areas of Thailand you are talking about. The more educated areas like BKK or the poorer areas in Essan?

      Either way, I have no idea. (I rarely hang out with Thai guys. And the ones I do hang with are western educated and moved back to Thailand to be models / tv stars)

      But from what Thai girls tell me about their first fuck, I’d say in the high school age range.

  • Sam says:

    sorry i wrote meat dog, but of course i mean dog meat. really discusting thing.

    but i think in philippines they are not so violent as in thailand.
    i never seen anyone argue or fight there for the 4 weeks vacation i spend last year in philippines.
    and same time the filipino men are more short/smaller than thai men, and they dont do thai boxing and other things like that in thailand.
    even i have heard that in philippines u can pay people to kill or hurt someone and i have also seen some on facebook they have guns and knifes and so on.
    but i guess still less criminals and violent people in philippines than thailand, i think.

    for me it sounds like thai men or some thai men are very violent and u only have to piss them a little of or have a small argue or fight with them and they will make u go to hospital or end up dead.

    all that for what?
    just for being in a country with beautiful sexy willing ladies and beaches and nature.
    they have the same in philippines and other countries too, but with much less violence.

    but i will just go for vacation and see what i think about it there and then i can decide if i will live there in future and if i can live there and just accept those things and accept that someone can insult me or push me and same time i just have to shut up as if i was a pussy who is scared of answering back.

  • Sam says:

    first i thought almost everything is good in thailand. but now i see this, i also see some tv show the other day about thailand and about things like those stories ehre.
    it dosent sound like a nice thing that a thai guy or someone can just hit u or push u and u just have to accept it.
    im not the person who fight or like fighting and im really bad in fighting.
    but i have also learned with time that i dont accept someone insult me or do bad to me without i answer back.
    of course if its just a small push or something then i can just ignore it.
    but letting someone keep insulting me or pushing me or hurting me i think it will make me angry. i am person with temper, even i can control it. but still.

    i also see on that tv show the other day that some english navy or marine officers in thailand they had a argue with some thai guys because of some boat the thai guy have that they rent out or that is for turist use.
    i cant remember all what happened.
    but the thai owner of the boat said that the english marine guy destroy or hit the side of his boat and he have to pay him 44,000 baht to fix it.
    and first the guy dont want to pay then the thai guy show is riffle (gun) and tell the english marine guy and his friends if they dont pay he will let them run same as the english guy run after he hit the boat.
    then he will see if they can run fast enough (meaning he will see if they can run fast enough before he shout them with his gun).
    then the english marine guys called some english police to help them.
    but they still end up paying around 35,000 baht for fixing the boat.

    i dont know if they really hit the boat or not.

    but still watching that crazy thai guy standing there with his riffle (gun) threaten them was really crazy to see and a little scary too.

    then also they showed some other things about turist getting in jail because of drugs.

    and they also showed a guy who was hitten by some thai men, i think in some bar or at a prostitute, not sure why. maybe he was too drunk or did something stupid to the girl.

    and also i hear same as some write here that ladyboys are also violent and steal also.

    and same time i read on some webpages that there are thousands of dogs on the streets in thailand, maybe 135,000 dogs or more all over thailands streets and some of them will bit or attack people.

    and also i read that they sell meat dog in thailand, especially in north.

    so yeah maybe beautiful country with beautiful sexy women.

    but i guess there are also many bad things.

    especially the violence and also the jail thing.

    because even im not a person who go into argue or fights and i dont do drugs and dont like drugs.
    but still i think the way things are in that country then even the most innocent person can end i a bad situation if his luck is not with him or if someone want to do bad to that person or want to give that person a problem.

  • Honest Monger says:

    This article is totally right. I was attacked by a lady boy, yes a lady boy, in Chiang Mai. The bastard scammed me for some drinks that I had not agreed to purchase. Anyway after he did a full Muay Thai kick in my spine, in front of a group of Thais who didn’t bat an eyelid (I am, after all, a mere lowly foreigner), I verbally challenged him. At which point I discovered that his first refuge would be to summon all of his chums from the surrounding bars. Obviously I gave him my money. Might have been humiliating but I learned that safety comes before principle in this crazy place! It is really true: they are EXTREMELY tribal, they do NOT fuck around and, as a foreigner, you are ON YOUR OWN.

  • Pete says:

    Unbreakable Rule #3: Never insult the King and royal family. Don’t even talk about them at all to be safe. Don’t step on bills with the king’s face on them and so on.

    Never been to Thailand but that’s what I heard. Insulting the royal familly can land you in jail.

  • Chris Hamilton says:

    Shit those don’t sound like very peaceful people! If you hit on a guys girlfriend by accident not knowing she was taken that’s hardly grounds for him to shove you out of your chair. The same shit can happen in just about any bar or club seen in the world though I’m sure, certainly can happen over here. I learned the hard way several years ago that anytime you’re going to go to a kicking bar or club scene it’s always a good idea, if not essential, to bring an entourage.

    • Note, I’ve done heavy partying in Thailand for nearly three year now. Only once has there been an altercation with a Thai.

      Try parting one night in America or Europe without seeing a fight…not going to happen!

    • Moto says:

      Some people cannot be saved. To the guy who said: “bring an entourage”: Trust me: Macho westerners get eaten for lunch here 100% of the time. You are going to end up in the hospital with that attitude. Unless your entourage is Thai, you WILL LOSE. If by some miracle you won a street fight with your “entourage” someone would know someone in the police and you and you entourage would end up in jail for something.

  • Chris says:

    I just got back from visiting my friend who now lives in Patong who I hadn’t seen in nearly 10 years. I met him at a bar on my first day, there and noticed a massive cut with about 10 stitches in his head. He said a group of Thai guys and a bottle were responsible.

  • Adam says:

    sounds like a script of a scary movie (-:

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