Thailand is a paradise which has something for everyone. If you like stunning beaches, head to the islands. If you like the jungle and outdoors, head up north. And if you like beautiful women, just look around anywhere you go.
In this country you can do whatever the hell you want. You can get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of your actions and sleep with more women than is safe or even reasonable.
It truly is a country of wonders.
Beware though, there are two rules of Thailand that should be followed at all cost….no matter what.
THE 2 UNBREAKABLE RULES OF THAILAND
Rule 1- Never get caught buying / transporting drugs
Example 1: After being in Thailand for some time, you will have heard or even experienced the horror of breaking this rule. You are sitting on the beach, a friendly Thai man comes up to you and asks if you want to buy a bag of Marijuana for 500 baht. You figured its vacation, so why not. You pay the Thai man, get your stuff, and get up to go.
Only to be surrounded by a couple of police officers and escorted to jail. You are told you have two options: pay 100,000 baht or go to jail.
Thai jail is not worth it, so you pay over 3,000usd to buy yourself out of jail.
You kick yourself for being so foolish. That 500 baht bag of Marijuana cost you 100,500 baht.
What you didn’t know is that it was all a set up. The Thai man on the beach is friends with the police officers. He gets the money for the bag of Marijuana and a cut of the bail money you just paid.
Example 2: After living in paradise for so long, many tourists don’t want to go back. They fall in love with the freedom, the beauty, and the women of Thailand. They have spent all their money, maxed out their credit cards, and can not get their friends to loan them any more money.
The thoughts of returning to the real life, getting a job, and living the 9 – 5 life is too much for them to handle. So they try to figure out how to make money while living in Thailand. They can’t get a job here, no work visa. They can’t invest in anything, because they’ve got no money.
So they decide to start selling drugs to their friends. They make some money, spend it, and then need to make more.
Instead of selling small amounts, they try to make a larger payday and broker a bigger deal. The deal goes down well, and then he is surrounded by police officers and thrown in jail. He is facing 10 years in jail now.
The above is a true story of a tourist that just didn’t want to go home. I met him for the first time in Phi Phi and had a beer with him. I came back 6 months later to hear this story.
Lesson learned, do not get caught buying or transporting drugs of any kind in Thailand.
Rule 2- Do NOT fuck with the Thais
In this country you can get away with just about anything and face little to no consequences for your actions. The people of Thailand are some of the nicest people in the world, however they do have their limits. One thing you should NEVER do is mess with the Thais.
Do not try to take their girlfriends from them. Do not get in a fight with a Thai man. And do not get involved with a Thai dispute.
If you do any of these things, the outcome will not be a pleasant one.
Example 1: You see a dispute between a Thai man and his girlfriend. They are yelling outside the club. The girl is in tears and lashes out at her Thai boyfriend. He pushes her off of him, yells at her, and pulls her to the side of the bar.
She is stunningly beautiful but taken, so you have a couple more drinks and play a few more games of pool.
An hour or two passes and you move to the club next door. You see the same girl sitting at a table by herself. You look for any signs of her boyfriend and don’t see any.
You get a beer, and figure what the hell, might as well say hi. You go over and talk with her. She is even more beautiful closer up, but her English is not that great.
You take a seat and try to talk with her.
The boyfriend comes up from behind and pushes you out of your seat. You fall to the ground, get up and push back. Next thing you know, punches are being thrown. Since you are quite a bit larger, you win the fight. Everything is going crazy around you, so you decided to get the hell out of there and go home.
You are on a moped taxi and the next thing you know, there are 6 mopeds behind you full of Thai men. They yell at the taxi driver in Thai, the taxi driver stops and tells you to get off. You have no choice. You are now surrounded by a group of Thai men. Knives are pulled out. You look behind you to see the guy you laid out at the club, the boyfriend.
A beer bottle is broken over your head. You fall to the ground, they kick you till you can not move any longer. You wake up in the hospital 2 days later with bones broken and a huge medical bill.
Little do you know, you are lucky to have woken up at all…
Above is a true story of someone I knew last year. Never try to take a Thai man’s girlfriend from him. The Thais are wonderful people but they do have a major weakness, once they lose face, they go crazy.
Example 2: Last week was a friend’s birthday. We met up at his bar, had a few drinks, and then I went to the club next door with a few friends.
I get a call the next morning, “Did you hear what happened last night at the bar?”
I responded no, and learned rule number 2 was broken by the bartender who has been living in Thailand for over a year….
This bar is run by a Thai and English staff. There are two main bartenders, one Thai and one from England.
When people work closely together, there will always be tension, and this was one of those nights. Everyone was busy serving the customers and these two kept on getting in each others way behind the small bar counter.
Towards the end of the night their frustration hit a climax. They ran into each other without looking, and the English man lashed out and pushed the Thai guy. One thing led to another and a full fledge fight broke out.
Blows are exchanged with each person landing a punch or two. Just as the English man is about to throw another punch, the Thai guys friend who was sitting at the bar, picks up a chair and breaks it over the English mans head.
These chairs are not light, and the English man drops to the ground instantly. They proceed to kick him till he is unconscious.
His body and face is in ruins. He is fired from his job for his own safety. He will be leaving Thailand very soon….
The above story is true. Luckily, I missed the whole exchange by an hour.
I have often said, even if I was punched by a Thai man, I would never punch back. Even if you win the fight, you don’t really win. The Thai guy will have lost face and will strike back hard. He will call his friends, his cousins, and his brothers. They will find where you live and take their revenge…
Some brutal and true stories, but don’t let these examples shape how you view Thailand. That is like watching a news station back home and hearing of a murder, then believing it is too dangerous to go outside of your house.
Thailand is one of the safest countries I’ve ever visited. I’ve walked down the streets of Bangkok pissed drunk at 4am never to be hassled. I have passed out drunk a few times on the side of the streets never to have been robbed or even disturbed.
Never have I felt threatened in Thailand. However, I have never broken the above two rules. The only physical encounters I have ever been involved in while living in Thailand were due to crazy ex-girlfriends, but that’s another story for another time….