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I didn’t know. I met her in Bangkok at one of the night clubs on Khao Son Road. It was late, I was with my three friends, and it was our first trip to Thailand. The club was dark, she had an amazing body, and she wanted to go home with me.
I rented a different hotel room so I didn’t disturb my friends. She sat me down, took off my clothes, and started to give me a blow job. I felt her amazing fake tits. I worked my hand down, lower, and lower…
I froze. Time stood still. I repeated to myself over and over, “Please, this can’t be happening to me. This must be a bad dream…”
My beautiful Thai girl had a dick!
I pushed her off and got up to leave. He-she laughed and told me she’s going to stay in the room for the night. I looked at her in disbelief and said, “I don’t give a fuck.”
I slammed the door and wondered if this makes me gay or just stupid….
This is a story that was told to me from some English tourists who came to Thailand for the first time. In fact, this happened on their first night in Thailand.
This is not a unique story. Many men have been tricked, manipulated, and fooled by lady boys because they don’t know what signs to look for.
That time has come to an end. We have grown tired of hearing of tourists getting “screwed” by Thai lady boys. Because of this, we have created “The Lady Boy Survival Guide.”
What is “The Lady Boy Survival Guide?” It is a guide created by the Gods of Thailand to guarantee that the above situation will never happen to you. Follow it and protect yourself from the “he-shes” of Thailand.
The Lady Boy Survival Guide:
Want to learn the best way to avoid lady boys? Don’t go to any tourist traps. Lady boys make their money from tourists that don’t know they are lady boys or from tourists who like lady boys.
If you’re in Bangkok, you’ll find many more lady boys in clubs near Khao San Road than you will in clubs like RCA.
Lesson 1: Avoid high traffic tourist areas.
Is the girl tall? If so, then more tests will be required. It is not an absolute fact, but it’s a good rule of thumb, Thai lady boys tend to be tall while Thai women tend to be short.
Lesson 2: Height is an indicator.
Does she have fake breasts? Beautiful tall women with fake breasts may be common where you’re from, but in Thailand it increases the chances that you’re really with a man.
Lesson 3: Fakes breast are great on women, not so great on men.
Lady boys tend to have hands and feet as large as yours. Is this the case with the girl you are talking to now? If so, be afraid.
The Adams apple is a different story. If she has an Adams apple the size of your balls, run the other way. If she doesn’t have an Adam’s apple, that doesn’t mean anything. It’s very easy for lady boys to have a surgery that shaves the Adams apple down so it’s not noticeable.
The hard core lady boys that have their penises removed will also have their Adam’s apple shaved down.
Lesson 4: Large hands and an Adam’s apple are not good signs.
Did you meet her in the darkest part of the club? Is the music so loud that it’s hard to hear her voice clearly? Are you drunk? These types of surroundings are a lady boy’s dream.
Lesson 5: Lady boys hang out in the darkest and loudest parts of the club.
Ask if she is a lady boy. Most will tell the truth, but some will not.
Lesson 6: Ask and you shall receive…sometimes.
Unless your friends are real assholes, they should give you honest feedback on what they think. If they are not completely sure she is a lady, move on.
Lesson 7: Good friends can save you from waking up next to a man.
If the above is too much to remember in your drunken state, follow this one simple rule when you go out to meet Thai women. This one rule has rarely failed:
The more you drink, the shorter she has to be.
Don’t even talk to a tall Thai woman if you’re drunk. The risk is too great.
The sad fact in Thailand is, sometimes lady boys look very beautiful. They can be tall, have great breasts, and an amazing ass. They are manufactured to have the perfect shape that men desire.
Extra Tip: For those of you that don’t mind sleeping with a woman who has had a kid, do the baby test. Look for stretch marks, saggy breasts, and a stomach that is not firm. If she had a child, she is obviously not a lady boy.
Follow our advice and never experience the dread of waking up next to a Thai lady boy…again 🙂
Posted on Gods of Thailand April 1, 2011 in Thailand